my mind is running constant errands
today, there were more errands
than my mind could handle on a Sunday
so, it blew itself into the air
you said that there are two ways to explode
one is to explode
the other is to numb your mind
both are the same when you look at them alone, separately
when you are in search of constant relief and no one will come
over the river that has risen up and killed sixteen people you don’t explode,
you perish
but I was ready for the river to rise because now
my vantage point
is higher and I can see you, leaning on this rusty lattice
but though my position is supposed to be advantageous,
I despise hierarchy in the same way
I despise being ready for the death of sixteen people
the bodily desire to hug you
you,
who said, there are only thirteen ways to explode
and not one looks the same when you look me in the eyes
I,
who couldn’t make it to your birthday party
in that cute backyard you always talked about
or will talk about?
you,
who is not yet here
and I don’t know who you are
but I want to cancel plans for you,
and I want to be alone with your thoughts while you make dinner to eat for us in the park next Thursday,
when the streets are closed off and not a soul will ask for us.
it’s far too keen on getting to know you to be ignored.
The great isolation
of my mind is finally here. It’s finally here. I can feel
the tears running down my face
And here I am,
in an empty parking lot, rainy February evening,
on the bench near the spot I wrote “This is where I want to die.”
in my notebook on Halloween last year.
and here I am, racing again. And then,
my jacket will brush yours in the middle of the day
and a few drops of my tears fall onto the ground.
But they are not of our concern.